Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
