Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
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Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
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Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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