The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
