her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
