So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
