so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I wear drunk well.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
