I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
