I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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