That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
