this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
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Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
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Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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