He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
