So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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