I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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