He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
