I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize