Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
