I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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