Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
