Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
