'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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