Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
