They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
