You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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