So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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