I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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