You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize