I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
