We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize