I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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