I'm jealous of your bromance
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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