LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
