____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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