Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
