It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
