Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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