508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't put those talents on a resume
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
