..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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