Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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