Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
