Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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