This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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