he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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