I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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