worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
