I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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