theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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