i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
