Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
we're making bets on your personal life
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
