I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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