Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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