either way he was missing a nipple.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
As shirtless as possible
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
