Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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