All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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