i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
