I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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