Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
