its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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