you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
