it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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