batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
